Do you ever look at someone and wonder why their life seems so much easier than yours? And you’re always being told you never know their story, or what their life is really like, and somebody is always worse off than you BUT as true as all of that is, it doesn’t change the fact that some people just wouldn’t last a day in your symbolic shoes, let alone however many years you’ve been walking in them for.
Envy is bad, blah blah blah. Please. It happens. If there is someone or some people who have never experienced envy or dissatisfaction at their own life compared to another – well done you. I have. Not in the sense that I want to swap people or anything. Just that I wish it was a bit smoother. Less struggled filled.
The last 3 years have literally been an ongoing test of will-power, strength and survival. Death, miscarriage, relationship problems, postnatal depression, money problems, life problems… and then just when you think you’re on the way to a period of calm and positivity and possibility… life turns around and says “SURPISE!!! Random test of character coming up now” and it starts all over again.
I’m not ungrateful. I know what I have and appreciate it everyday. I know I have more than some people. It doesn’t mean I am not allowed to want more and I’m not a person who doesn’t try for more moaning about wanting more, I am a person (and a couple) who works for more and aims high and plans big and yet, there are so many fucking obstacles I feel like I’m in a game of Super Mario. Like, is this for real?
So yeah. Life is hard. And sometimes I just wish I could win the lottery. Or that good luck was available to buy in selected pharmacies near you.
Instead, I will continue in this additional hardship, another event full of shit and obstacles that will once again test my relationship, my strength and change our lives forever. Thanks life, I appreciate it. Cunt.