Please Don’t Touch Me There!

I’ve had times where I’ve been single to mingle and mingle is all I wanted to do and somehow this has led to extremely stupid encounters and one dodgy sort-of relationship. Out of all of it, there have been some pretty good lessons learnt too.

I went through a phase that included a hell of a lot of alcohol and a “Fuck Men and their feelings, I’m gonna get mine” attitude. And in hindsight, I’ve had some pretty bad experiences because of this. I’ve had plenty of non-committed alcohol induced sexual experiences and I’m not ashamed of that. Mr.Me knows my number and some of the people it shouldn’t include and if he’s cool then fuck anyone elses opinion.

I don’t mean to sound harsh or horrible but honestly – I’m sure guys have had similar bad experiences and these are just 5 of my worst and most memorably weird and “never again” moments.
image

  1. To start the list is PJ who came to mind after reading a blog post last night. PJ was of short stature and not my usual dark skinned type. I can’t even remember how we met but I’m going to presume it was somewhere online. I quickly learnt the most important things about PJ: he was extremely sensitive to ANY touch which made him obviously quick when it came to doing the deed (this happened once on the last time I saw him), small as in hard to even rub off and clearly oblivious to any of this as he asked to go again a few months later after asking “if it was good?”.

    Continue reading

It’s Okay… Shit Happens

Today is a day for stretching and I don’t mean physically. I’m talking emotional, stress related stretching. The kind of stretching you don’t even realise you’re doing until you’re stretched as far as an elastic band could possibly go and are on the verge of snapping – painfully. Today, I am that elastic band.dfgytf-elastic_2722497bI sit here and write this, looking at the mess which is my “living” room and it definitely looks lived in. Too lived in but whatever – we need a bigger house. I chose to eat toffee popcorn instead of tidy because I basically can’t be fucked with today anymore. On the plus side, the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom are tidy and clean.

I can hear the over-loud, bad mannered kids outside who in my opinion should be in their houses, unwinding, eating dinner and getting ready for bed – what time do kids sleep these days?

hnck2236

We haven’t had sex for just over 4 weeks now. Continue reading

Surviving Narcissism; Betrayal and Insecurity

About 7 months ago, I had a secret plan. The plan was pretty much to stay with Mr.Me until my contract at work finished this year and then to throw him out when he was surplus to requirements. At one point, I wasn’t sure if I loved him or hated him or hated him because I loved him.

love-hate-heart

Among women who know they are pregnant, 1 in 6 pregnancies ends in miscarriage in the UK. In 2013, I was one of those 1 in 6 statistics.

miscarriagepost

We all have our ways of dealing with things. I cried a lot.

Mr.Me began talking to other females (to my knowledge). It could have been going on from before but this is when I found out. And I was gutted because I had never suspected it. And it wasn’t one or two. It was many. An ex, a whore, a colleague – it seemed like anyone who showed any interest he flirted with.

When I confronted him, he did what many guys did – he flipped it onto me. Continue reading

Window Shopper

I have what I would call a Champagne/Fillet Mignon taste when it comes to shopping on what can only be considered a corner shop bottle of plonk/fillet-o-fish budget. I love going online, knowing there is 0 funds in my bank account and my credit card has maxed out, and placing things in my basket. We might as well call it an imaginary basket because I will never be able to buy any all of those things (for now).

champagne-1197299

My Amazon basket currently holds 106 items not including 25 on a wish list which are “saved for later”. And the number will grow as I find more things I want.

Dressipi on Very.co.uk also has a similar number on the wish list. I love dressipi suggestions and once had about £800 worth of clothes in my actual basket… which I was never going to be able to afford.

hnck3942

Online window shopping makes me happy until I can’t checkout. Continue reading

Guilt Sex

I would like to think we have all been there: that week or so every month when sex isn’t an option (for the more vanilla of us) is the one week you’ve ever wanted sex so bad in your entire life. Every month.

And you’re not shy to let your Mr.Me know this multiple times a day. In various ways. Texts. Phone calls. The sly grab of the ass. The extremely frustrated sigh at bed time. Whatever it is you do to let them know, you do it more times than you ever could in the 3 weeks you could have sex. I also learnt that masturbation can have an awesome result in about 60 seconds when you know what your clitoris likes.
image
Everyone knows it’s hormones. They know. And they patiently wait for the green light to land, highly anticipating fireworks and passion like never before.

Then the time comes.
Continue reading

Anonymous

Anonymous: Adjective. Of unknown name; whose name is withheld.

Have you ever had some thing or so many things going on, and you just wanted to get it off your chest but you couldn’t even say some of the things you thought to the person closest to you. You can’t explain why. You just know you can’t. So you don’t and it just builds up until you feel completely overwhelmed? Continue reading